An Open Letter to You, Webmaster
I've recently been contacted by your customer with regards to my web services. They mentioned that they were unhappy with your work and would like for me to create a new website for them. I'm writing this letter to thank you!
First, Webmaster, I'd like to thank you for not using PHP includes on the customer's old website. Instead of simple changes to common areas of the website taking only a moment to change, you've successfully turned a quick update into a twenty minute hunt through endless HTM files.
I'd also like to thank you for waiting weeks before starting on the customer's simple updates. Even though the customer had an important event coming up, you stood firm and completed their changes when you were ready to. I admire your resolve.
And how could I forget the numerous Web 1.0 features you so generously added to their website? No website is complete without a snazzy counter, a forget-me-not guestbook, and above all, those quick-loading java applets for navigation. Let me not forget to mention the "Under Construction" GIFs you placed on their site during development (I love the construction worker swinging the hammer over and over again), those IE-only marquees, and the "best if viewed in Internet Explorer" message. You thought so much about the user that you told them which browser to use -- I would've never thought of that!
I beg to understand your CSS expertise. The way that links get bold and jump a few pixels larger when you place your mouse over the cursor is so neat. I mean, when you do that the user DEFINITELY knows that their mouse is hovering over that link! And I admire how you shun the trendy practice of external stylesheets -- who wants every page to look the same? Where's the imagination?
Your SEO knowledge is unmatched. Submitting the customer's website to hundreds of search engines? Where do you find the time? And leaving some pages with the title tag as "Untitled Document?" Genius. What's that called? Reverse psychology?
Let me not forget to mention the methods you use to keep me entertained while at the customer's website. That embedded media player that allows me to play MIDIs and other various sounds is a joy! I also love when you underline text so I can play the "Is It a Link or Isn't It a Link?" game -- what fun!
Above all, Webmaster, I'd like to thank you for being around. You doing your job so well helps me to gain customers and do my job well. Don't ever go away -- keep up the great work!
Senior Web Developer