Codelish – A Programmer’s Life Language

Programming can be a dull, boring job when you're doing the same thing every day. I decided to express my feelings toward work and customers today by using programming instead of the usual shaking of the head and questioning how the person even gets up in the morning. The following are a few of my thoughts today.

while($customer->talks($gibberish))
{
    $i->read($digg);
    $about = 'Not working here any more';
    $i->think($about);
}

$sanity = mysql_query('SELECT reason_to_live FROM head WHERE today = 'Monday' LIMIT 1000',$conn) or die('A slow, agonizing death.');

As your can see from the previous example, Codelish can cross over into different languages as well. It doesn't stop here though! Just like English has verbs, pronouns, and adjectives, Codelish has structure too.

class programmer
{

    var $location;
    var $status;
    var $salary;
    var $reason_to_live;

    function programmer($location,$status)
    {
         $this->location = $location;
         $this->status = $status;
         $this->salary = 'very little';
    }

    function get($var_to_return);
    {
         return $this->{$var_to_return};
    }

    function wants()
    {
         return 'Too bad! ';
    }

    function set($reason)
    {
         $this->reason_to_live = $reason;
    }

}

$overworked_programmer = new programmer('Work','Frustrated');
$response += $overworked_programmer->wants($higher_pay);
$response += $overworked_programmer->wants($appreciation);
$response += $overworked_programmer->wants($less_hours);
$response += $overworked_programmer->wants($challenge);
$response += $overworked_programmer->wants($promotion);

$threshold = 2;
if(substr_count($response,'bad') > $threshold) { $programmer->__destruct(); }

As you can see, Codelish is a great language and very true to life! I believe every programming student should be taught this language!