6 Ways to Remind the Mustaches That You’re Important

Written by David Walsh on Monday, May 19, 2008

We all feel as though we aren’t as appreciated as we should be sometimes. Our every day dominance of the web world gets taken for granted by those that aren’t tech-savvy, especially the higher-ups in the organization. I’ve come up with a few ways that us programmers and designers can make the “Mustaches” in the organization remember how important we really are.

Print Code to Their Printer

Many times, printing your code to the printer they frequent is the only time the Mustaches have a chance to see your work. I say this, of course, because there are no computers on the golf course. Printing your server-side language (PHP, ASP, Java, Cold Fusion…) is a must. If you’re feeling frisky, go ahead and throw some XHTML or Javascript with it. To increase the effect, print your code out compressed. Don’t include CSS though — far too humanly-readable.

Speak Lingo When Mustaches Are Present

If you see a Mustache walking down the hall toward your department’s cube-neighborhood, wink to fellow employees and start keyword-stuffing your sentences. And I MEAN keyword stuffing — like getting removed from Google keyword stuffing. For example:

“Rod, did we launch the {Business Name} website yet?

becomes:

“Rod, at what point yesterday did we launch the PHP/MySQL database-based web application with WYSIWYG editing capabilities?”

I recommend hiding behind a cube wall during this lingo session — the Mustache’s head may explode if the Mustache attempts to comprehend what was said.

Make the Website Say “Last Updated: {today’s date}”

As you and I both know, making your website dynamically display the current date is a ten second, one time operation. The best part is that the Mustache doesn’t get into the office until noon (gotta get 18 holes in), so they can’t beat you to the office and question the last updated date. You can, of course, claim that you’ve changed something from home (if necessary).

Help the Mustache with Email Issues

Nothing seems to perplex a Mustache more than email, usually Outlook Express. CC’s and BCC’s and attachments, OH MY! I’ve found that 75% of issues are cause by the ‘Stache sending or receiving an attachment that’s too large. You’ll also have to beware of ‘Stache-to-’Stache email interaction — that can get dicey. Be sure to buddy up with the other ‘Stache’s tech persons — you don’t want to be their excuse for email issues. Bonus points if you can fit in the phrase “ID-10-T error.”

Make the ‘Stache Aware of Easy Efficiency/Benchmark Improvements

Those of us in the web field know that speed improvements can be made exponentially. Seeing the speed of a specific functionality improve 500% usually isn’t very shocking to us, but the Mustache will be amazed. Worst case scenario is that the ‘Stache gives you a stern look and asks you to get that to 600% faster just to save face, but the ‘Stache will be pleased with this.

Earn. Produce.

Oh yeah, there’s that too. Nothing pleases a Mustache more than big numbers on a piece of paper. Earning and producing is the way to gain the respect of you superiors and grow your department. This, of course, is the best way to remind the Mustaches of your importance.

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